I’ve known about my drinking problem since I was 18-yrs old.
My very first drink was a shot of Everclear. 190 proof.
It wasn’t even a real shot, it was a baby shot that barely covered the bottom of the cup, the dixie cup. Now, keep in mind, my friends made me do it and I’m sure your friends were the cause of your issues, too, right? I mean I can’t be the only one who has friends that made me do things I shouldn’t do, am I? But I’ll say, it’s one of my favorite memories.
It’s the first time I ever felt a buzz, which I loved.
It was the first time I had ever been drunk, which I loved, and it was the first time I’d ever woken up the next day thinking, “oh, bleep, what happened last night?”
I drink drinks as fast as I can drink a bottle of water after a 7-mile run. True story, I’ll slam a glass of milk and without thinking, I’ll keep pouring myself another glass until I feel full. By the time I finally feel full I’ve had four tall glasses of milk, four peanut butter cookies, and I feel like 20 lb. of crap stuffed in a 10 lb. bag. When it’s not milk and cookies, I’ll easily have a six pack and half-pack of smokes before most people are done with their third.
I’m a binger. I’m addicted to everything - cigs, alcohol, energy drinks, energy pills, diet pills, caffeine, go ahead, you name it.
Just a kid or alcoholic? College kid or alcoholic? Bad drunk or alcoholic? Problem drinker or alcoholic? My entire life I’ve battled those questions. Enough people that aren’t me have answered it, but every time I answer it, I come up with a different answer than what they said.
Before Everclear, 190 proof, I hadn't a sniff, or more appropriately, a sip, of booze or any kind of alcohol.
I was 18 and drinking sparked an energy in me. This was a new feeling. This was an exciting feeling. The only thing stopping me after Everclear, 190 proof, was my lifestyle. We didn't drink, my friends and I. We did that one time and if I remember correctly, which is 50/50 or less at this point, but if I remember correctly, which is a rare thing when I drink, but if I do truly remember correctly, I was the only one who drank that shot, or even drank, at all, that night. We'll get into foreshadowing later. (no we won't).
At the time, I didn't know about my grandpa being an alcoholic. I didn't know about my grandma being an alcoholic. I didn't know about my uncle being and alcoholic/drug addict. I didn't know about some cousins that were unidentified alcoholics.
That one drink.
Everclear, 190 proof, and the chemistry that came with it was
awesome.
I never forgot that feeling and at 18 I would look for chances to recapture it throughout my senior year. Chances never arose, because we didn't drink, my friends and I. We played sports. We hosted talent shows. We won the talent shows. We hung out with our parents. At 18, we watched MTV and ate new brands of Dorito's called Cool Ranch, but I never forgot the feeling of being drunk for the first time and I would carry that momentum into college.
My first year of college would become one of the top five worst years of my life.
My very first drink was a shot of Everclear. 190 proof.
It wasn’t even a real shot, it was a baby shot that barely covered the bottom of the cup, the dixie cup. Now, keep in mind, my friends made me do it and I’m sure your friends were the cause of your issues, too, right? I mean I can’t be the only one who has friends that made me do things I shouldn’t do, am I? But I’ll say, it’s one of my favorite memories.
It’s the first time I ever felt a buzz, which I loved.
It was the first time I had ever been drunk, which I loved, and it was the first time I’d ever woken up the next day thinking, “oh, bleep, what happened last night?”
I drink drinks as fast as I can drink a bottle of water after a 7-mile run. True story, I’ll slam a glass of milk and without thinking, I’ll keep pouring myself another glass until I feel full. By the time I finally feel full I’ve had four tall glasses of milk, four peanut butter cookies, and I feel like 20 lb. of crap stuffed in a 10 lb. bag. When it’s not milk and cookies, I’ll easily have a six pack and half-pack of smokes before most people are done with their third.
I’m a binger. I’m addicted to everything - cigs, alcohol, energy drinks, energy pills, diet pills, caffeine, go ahead, you name it.
Just a kid or alcoholic? College kid or alcoholic? Bad drunk or alcoholic? Problem drinker or alcoholic? My entire life I’ve battled those questions. Enough people that aren’t me have answered it, but every time I answer it, I come up with a different answer than what they said.
Before Everclear, 190 proof, I hadn't a sniff, or more appropriately, a sip, of booze or any kind of alcohol.
I was 18 and drinking sparked an energy in me. This was a new feeling. This was an exciting feeling. The only thing stopping me after Everclear, 190 proof, was my lifestyle. We didn't drink, my friends and I. We did that one time and if I remember correctly, which is 50/50 or less at this point, but if I remember correctly, which is a rare thing when I drink, but if I do truly remember correctly, I was the only one who drank that shot, or even drank, at all, that night. We'll get into foreshadowing later. (no we won't).
At the time, I didn't know about my grandpa being an alcoholic. I didn't know about my grandma being an alcoholic. I didn't know about my uncle being and alcoholic/drug addict. I didn't know about some cousins that were unidentified alcoholics.
That one drink.
Everclear, 190 proof, and the chemistry that came with it was
awesome.
I never forgot that feeling and at 18 I would look for chances to recapture it throughout my senior year. Chances never arose, because we didn't drink, my friends and I. We played sports. We hosted talent shows. We won the talent shows. We hung out with our parents. At 18, we watched MTV and ate new brands of Dorito's called Cool Ranch, but I never forgot the feeling of being drunk for the first time and I would carry that momentum into college.
My first year of college would become one of the top five worst years of my life.
