How can I get away with this?
I could keep driving, or, I could try to get a ride.
If I get a ride, it’ll have to be for at least six months.Portal to portal, home to work to home. Maybe a year.
Who should I ask?
My girlfriend? That’s a huge favor. Can I? Of course, but I can’t do that. For a million reasons, I can’t do that on top of it’s really embarrassing.
Co-worker? Nah, living with you and Dad in CG??? That’s crazy thought.
If I try to get a ride, it’ll have to be family. I can’t ask a friend.
It has to be you or Dad.
You’d have to get up early, drive me to Eden Prairie and then come all the way back here to be to work before 8am. Option, yes. Realistic, no. I’ll leave that alone.
It has to be Dad. He could drop me off on his way in to the office. It’s a little out of the way, but this is the only possible way. There is nothing else.
...great reality.
Idiot.
Me, not Dad.
Maybe I simply keep driving.
If I drive I might just get away with it long enough to get me out of this without having to ask Dad.
If I drive I might get caught.
If I drive I would have to use cruise-control constantly.
I can’t speed.
Can’t swerve.
Can’t roll through a stop sign.
I’ll have to use my blinkers for everything.
I could do this.
I could do this.
Not that I’m thinking of it, but if I were to get pulled over again with booze on my breathe my life will be over. I’ll end it myself. That’s not true, I wouldn’t end it, but it would be over just the same. Three? How did I end up with three -- How did I end up with one??? How can I make good?
If I can do this, this could mean redemption. Very very little redemption but any redemption at this point is good redemption.
If I get caught there is no redemption. There is no excuse. There is no other way out. IF I get caught.
I can’t remember the last time I was pulled over for a random traffic violation.
If I get caught, I’m screwed.
I can’t - I can’t take Dad for granted like this.
I’m gonna do it.
I’m just gonna take the chance. I’m the one who messed up, I’m the one who makes it better.
I could do this.
I won’t get caught.
I can’t get caught.
I don’t want to get a ride everyday. I’ll only drive during work hours.
I could play stupid about the revocation!
I wonder if they know when this notice was mailed out.
I have to keep working because I have to pay out the a-- for all of this. Court fees, treatment, reinstatement, bills.
I have to keep going to work. In order to get to work I have to drive. I need a work permit, but that means I have to drive there to get it. I need to keep driving. I need to keep going to work.
That’s it then.... settled.
One week later.
Squad Car. Cop in the driver seat staring me down from across the intersection. I knew my license was revoked. I got their letter of intent, their notice, their flyer by mail almost a full seven days prior. The question is, does he? The thing that annoys me the absolute most when behind the wheel is when you and another car are face-to-face at an intersection and for whatever reason, say kindness, say law, but for whatever reason you wave them through first - only to be trumped with a return wave.... now, you’re sitting at your stop signs, you’re waving each other thru, and everyone behind you is wondering what the hell is going on up there????? That was us, minus the people behind us wondering what the hell is going on up there.
I wave him thru.
He waves me thru.
I crap my pants.
He smiles.
1 minute later.
Do you know why I pulled you over?
No.
I saw you crap your pants, isn’t what he said, but it was pretty close. He actually said, I saw you hesitate when I waved you thru. He said that he’s been doing this long enough that he could tell by the look on my face that I was nervous. That I hesitated...
I did, and yeah, I was nervous.
Do you have a valid license?
I confidently said - Yeah, why wouldn’t I? Followed by - Ahhh, ...I should. Followed by - I don’t remember getting anything... via mail... about .... Ending with - Can I get back to you?
So why did I lie? I didn’t want to show him my cards and although he already knew what I was holding, I had to play. I couldn’t concede to his authority over me, or my own stupidity.
...fact is, I’ve haven’t been pulled over since that day.
Now, every time I’m behind the wheel, and I lock eyes with a cop, or see a cop within 500 feet of my radar, deep down inside I want them to pull me over. Adrenaline screams through my veins and I want to do whatever it takes to grab their attention to get them to pull me over.
Because of learning difficulties (kidding) and an addiction to stupidity (not kidding) I’ve swerved at them, bumper humped them, made them tailgate mates, throw them stink-eye while driving by, blatantly ignored them, mimicked drunk-driving tendencies (which I should know pretty well, right?), all in the name of redemption. If I had to come up with a list of my top three replies I’d want to say to a cop who pulled me over today for drinking and driving, they would be:
1. No, sir, not today. (with a smile)
2. yes, I have been. (Never to utter ‘soda’ until they ask specifically ask)
3. I don't mean to shatter your ego, but this ain't the first time I’ve had a breathalyzer pointed at my face.
But that ain’t the truth. See, the truth is I would sit still, keep my mouth shut, laugh at his stupid jokes and say thank you like a guy with my driving record is supposed to do. I wouldn’t provoke them. I don’t want to waste my time sending them on a wild goose chase. I’ve got other things to do, mainly get home to Heidi, and Lily, and Cole.
That day was the beginning of scheduled court dates that would eventually land me in jail. Not because I’m a felon, although, maybe I really am, but because you can’t get 3 DUI’s and expect to walk away. Correction, you shouldn’t be able to get 3 DUI’s and get to walk away. I know that happens. I learned a lesson that day... the 3 dewey’s, the 3 revocations, the shame, guilt, embarrassment that I already felt at this point was nothing compared to what I was about to face in jail.
I learned another lesson that day too, if you are being waved through any given intersection, returning the favor is not the polite thing to do. The polite thing to do is to hit the damn gas!!
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